I'm drunk. I'm at a talk by the guys who designed Facebook Home. I'd got there early and made the hostess open the first bottle of wine. Then I watched as young Californian kids entered and effortlessly began networking with each other. I watch and drink more wine.
Most of the kids are in groups but there's a few who are alone like me. They look around the room eyeing up groups to penetrate. Whenever one catches eyes with me I neck another mouthful of wine with my eyes fixed on the bottom of the glass. Probably look cross eyed.
One girl is wearing Google Glasses on her face. Why does she need to be wearing them in this room other than to show off she is wearing them? She looks twenty. They all look twenty. I'm panicking and edge closer to the old guy with the beard who's filming the event.
The talk is cool. The main guy there is called Joey Flynn. I think he's younger than me but I like him. He says some stuff about design which I like. I like it when that happens, makes me want to be friends. They play the ad for Facebook Home which has Joey Flynn acting along side Mark Zuckerberg. I drink more wine.
When the talk finishes everyone stands up and starts networking again. I move back into my corner and work out what I'm gonna do. I wanna tell Joey Flynn I liked the thing he said about design. I figure I'd sound like a dick crowding him with everyone else.
"Excuse me, excuse me... thanks... Sorry, thanks... Hi. Hi Joey, I'm Simon, great talk."
"Loved the thing about how designing in a moving versatile environment instead of static photoshop layouts changes you fundamentally as a designer."
"Totally man, thanks."
"I had the same realisation when I made the moving video for our app, Story, and it led to a total redesign."
Yeah, nah. I convince myself no good can come from that. I finish the rest of my wine and leave the building. The only person I talked to was the hostess, six times, telling her to refill my glass.
I walk through the streets. It's late. I'm angry. That was my first chance to properly network and I choked. I choked like Eminem at the start of 8 Mile. I walk past an Irish pub. I turn back and go in. It's showing basketball. I order a pint and stare at it.
I find Joey Flynn on Facebook. He has 8,000 fans. I send him a message saying the talk was great and that I liked the thing he said about design.
I leave half my pint and go back to my hotel. I really fucked it.
I send some emails.